Eddie Started Talking Again When the Sledding Hill

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Quotes

• Eddie : You surprised?

  Clark : Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't exist more surprised than I am right now.

• Clark : Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline airplane pilot spotted Santa's sleigh on its mode in from New York Urban center.

  Eddie : [later a suspension] You serious, Clark?

• Ellen : What are yous looking at?

  Clark : Oh, the silent majesty of a winter'due south morn... the make clean, cool chill of the vacation air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...

  [Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV'due south toilet]

  Eddie : Shitter was total.

  Clark : Ah, yeah. Y'all checked our shitters, honey?

  Ellen : Clark, please. He doesn't know whatever better.

  Clark : He oughta know it'southward illegal. That'south a tempest sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within 10 yards of it.

• Eddie : Don't become puttin' none of that stuff on my sled, Clark. You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have information technology replaced, cause every time Catherine revved up the microwave I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or and so. Then over at the VA they had to replace it with plastic. Information technology ain't as strong then I don't know if I should become sailin down no hill with null between the ground and my brains merely a piece of government plastic.

  Clark : You actually think it matters, Eddie?

• Clark : Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you lot out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for expressionless?

  Eddie : Naw, I'thou doing simply fine, Clark.

• [Todd Chester stares in horror at Eddie draining the RV toilet]

  Eddie : Merry Christmas. Shitter was total.

• Clark : So, when did you get the tenament on wheels?

  Eddie : Oh, that uh, that there's an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my firm, I took the RV. Information technology's a good looking vehicle, own't information technology?

  Clark : Aye, it looks and then nice parked in the driveway.

  [Raises drinking glass to his oral fissure]

  Eddie : Yeah, it certain does. Only, don't you become falling in honey with it now, considering, nosotros're taking information technology with united states when we get out here next month.

  [Clark nearly chokes on his drink]

• Eddie : Every time Catherine revved upwardly the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for nearly half an 60 minutes or so.

• Clark : [Revealing his Christmas "bonus"] It's a ane year membership to the Jelly of the Calendar month Order.

  Eddie : Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

• Frances : [looking at Carmine Sue surprised] Oh my gosh, her eyes aren't crossed anymore.

  Eddie : That somethin' own't it? She falls downwards a well, her eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule. They go dorsum to normal. I don't know.

  [laughs]

  Eddie : And this here's our pride and joy Snots.

  [Snots blusters a sneeze]

  Clark : Pretty name Ed.

  Eddie : [Snots puts his snotty nose on Rusty, and he makes a disgusted face] Yeah we named him that because he's got this sinus condition. Snots you curlicue over and allow uncle Clark scratch your belly.

• Clark : Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as skillful as information technology looks, we're all in for a real treat!

  Eddie : Save the neck for me, Clark.

  Clark : Okay Eddie...

• Eddie : I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no colina with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of regime plastic.

  Clark : Do you really recall it matters, Eddie?

• Clark : [the Christmas dinner table shudders, and loud gagging noises come from underneath. Clark looks to see where its coming from and sees Snots choking] Hey, Ed, what's wrong with the dog?

  Eddie : [Looks underneath the table] Oh, he's just yakkin' on a bone.

  [Grotesque barfing noises]

  Eddie : He's got it upward!

  [Winks at Clark that everything'south okay]

  Clark : Possibly if you wouldn't feed him from the table?

  Eddie : No. No, he'south probably only been nosing through the trash.

  [Shows kitchen, which looks like the city dump]

• Art : [to Rocky] You lot got a buss for me?

  Eddie : Improve have a rain check on that, Art - he's got a lip fungus they ain't identified yet...

• Clark : No, Eddie. It was my mistake. I lost my atmosphere when I got my bonus and I guess I said a few thing I shouldn't take.

  Mr. Frank Shirley : Bonus? How did yous get a bonus? I cutting out bonuses this year.

  Clark : Yeah. Thank you for telling us. I was expecting a check. Instead I got enrolled in a jelly order. 17 years with the company. I've gotten a Christmas bonus every year but this one. Yous don't desire to give bonuses, fine. But when people count on them every bit their salary, well what you did simply plain...

  Rusty Griswold : Sucks.

  Clark : Cheers, Russ. My cousin-in-police force, whose center is bigger than his brain...

  Eddie : Appreciate that, Clark.

  Clark : Is innocent. I'll exist more than happy to take the rap on this, on behalf of myself and every other employee you rear-ended this Christmas.

• Eddie : [Referring to the electrocuted cat] If that thing had nine lives, he just spent 'em all.

• [talking well-nigh Snots, Eddie'southward dog]

  Eddie : If you scratch his belly, Clark, he will love yous till the day you lot die.

  Clark : I really shouldn't, Eddie. My easily are all chapped.

• Eddie : [walks in with a spring and gagged Mr. Shirley tied with a big red ribbon] Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas, Clark.

  [to Mr. Shirley]

  Eddie : You near prepare to do some kissing?

• Mr. Frank Shirley : [to Clark] Y'all're fired! And where's the telephone? I'grand calling the police!

  Eddie : Now, just hold your wad there, fella. Clark had nothin' to do with this. This hither, was my idea.

  Mr. Frank Shirley : All right, he's still fired. And, *you*, are going to jail!

• Eddie : [property Aunt Bethany's nowadays] This ane here, is leaking.

  [Ellen sticks her finger in the leak. Eddie leans over and sucks it off her finger]

  Eddie : It's lime!

• Clark : I can't believe you're standing here in my living room, Eddie. Never thought the twenty-four hours would come.

  Eddie : Yep I'm excited about it besides.

• Eddie : If only I had that money Catherine and I gave to that TV preacher who was screwin' that hockey player.

  Clark : What near the kids?

  Eddie : His kids tin can fend for themselves.

• Clark : [Clark looks down at the jello and sees that information technology'south trimmed with true cat food] Aunt Bethany, does your cat swallow jello?

  Eddie : I don't know about the cat, but *I* sure am enjoying it.

• Eddie : Your company kill all them people in India not besides long ago?

  Clark : No, we missed out on that one.

• Clark : [Clark and Eddie are carrying the chair outside later on the cat was electrocuted] You lot scent something?

  Eddie : Fried pussycat.

• Eddie : Don't forget the rubber sheets and gerbils.

• Clark : My cousin in-police force, whose centre is bigger than his brain...

  Eddie : I capeesh that, Clark.

  Clark : ...Is innocent.

• Eddie : [to Clark after they notice that the cat was electrocuted] If that true cat had nine lives, he just spent 'em all.

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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097958/characters/nm0001642